The Original Curse

Men and women are very different. Somehow, society has led us to believe that we are built the same. However, equality is not the same as being similar. We should have equal rights, yet we are very, very different. Have you ever heard a woman say, "If you love me, just do the dishes." Or somehow, if a man does not make the bed in the morning, a woman feels less loved. It is as if her senses are stimulated in a positive way, an internal effect that is simply not the same as the internal response for a man. A man might walk by an unmade bed, not even noticing anything out of place whereas a woman must start the day with a made bed. In addition, the woman somehow connects the dots between being loved and having the bed made in the morning. They are one and the same. "If the bed is not made, he must not love me." Have you ever heard a man say, "She spends too much money." Or maybe he complains that she doesn't help out enough or pull her weight. What is this about? Something about love, requires us to be aware of each other's burdens, then to sacrifice our time, energy and resources to lighten the load, when possible. How do we do this? First of all, we must know what each other's burdens are.

When the fall of Adam took place in Genesis 4, God gave man a curse:

"Curse is the ground because of you; through painful toil you will eat food from it all the days of your life.
It will produce thorns and thistles for you, and you will eat the plants of the field.
By the seat of your brow you will eat your food until you return to the ground, since from it you were taken;
For dust you are and to dust you will return."

The internal effect of toil, is simply different for men than women. While the burdens of life and work and responsibility are equal, they are simply different. When a man complains about a woman just running off, or not taking the job seriously, or pulling her weight, he simply is asking for one thing. Respect. Silently, each day of his life, he has toiled and worked hard to provide. The weight has been a silent curse to which he determined early on that he would simply not complain about. This is a maturity a man must find when he converts from boyhood to manhood. "As long as I have two hands and two feet, I will work." But it leaks out in the form of cynicism or negative comments because what lies in a man's heart eventually leaks out of his mouth. It is the weight of the curse that drives the negative comments.

What can you do? Throw in a thank you, a big hug, acknowledge the provisions. If you do not realize the curse of man, you may find yourself trying to do more, to make it right, simply exhausting yourself. But it is not your problem to fix, nor do you have the ability to do so. Or you may somehow take this as a personal insult, and find yourself defending how much you do and sacrifice.

God gave woman this curse:

"I will make your pains in childbearing very severe;
With painful labor you will give birth to children.
Your desire will be for your husband,
And he will rule over you."

From a very young age, women are forced by nature to take better care of their bodies. They endure a suffering versus freshness dynamic, that becomes embedded in their very core. So where do their complaints stem from? Their very essence is to make the ground they walk on fertile, nesting in such a fashion, that a beautiful warm nest equates to one thing: Love. Everyday, women feel the weight of holding the family together. A man visits his kids once every other week and he is a great father, while a woman misses one day, one moment and she becomes a terrible mother. This is the weight of the woman. Cursed by the clock ticking on a small span of time when they may find a mate and conceive a child. Cursed by the weight that a human being's future rises and falls on the consequences of their actions.

As a man, you can do the same thing. Throw in a thank you, a hug. Not a hug that desires sexual intimacy, a mistake the will inevitably trigger, the ever present sensation that she is not enough. Because now, she cannot even satisfy her husband sexually, leaving a feeling of being unattractive. An additional emotional exhaustion adding to the existing physical exhaustion. While a helping hand is warranted, focus on love is even more important. How can I love, one should contemplate. Otherwise, they may fall into the trap of cleaning more, only to be rewarded with the complaint that they simply didn't do it right.

Realizing the personal weight of one's curse, one can make sure not to blame their partners for this burden, because it doesn't come from a deficiency in a significant other. Going to other relationships, community, support and God Himself is the key to attacking that powerful void that exists within. A partner simply is no match. Realizing the partners weight of the curse, one can focus on addressing the root of the problem which in turn can be perceived as better support over time.

In the end, equality lies in the fact that men are physical beings, masters of the physical universe while women are emotional beings, masters of the emotional universe. The trinity is completed by God the master of the spiritual universe. Each role, while completely different is equally important. Together, they make a three cord braid that cannot easily be broken.


Scott Izu, PhD
Copyright December 2017